Life can be EDGY....

I've noticed something odd and a little hard to understand over the past few years in regards to my personal relationships and me.

I've noticed that when I meet someone who "needs" me, "needs" my assistance a lot, that person becomes who I live for, in a way. That person becomes who my heart becomes entangled up with, who I live to do things for, to help out, to lend myself 110% to, who I KNOW God has called me to share life with!

As I spend tons of time with this person, I get to know them intimately, I begin to see them as God sees them: as His creation, as His handiwork. I take them for who they are: the good, the bad and the ugly.

And I'm fine with that.

Funny thing is: I do not do this for applause from others.

I feel such LOVE for this person that they become family to me.

They become my sister, brother, son, whatever the case may be.

I have had a person who fills this description in my life for just over a year now.

I first met this young man when God literally dropped him out of the sky into a chair at my desk while I was working at NWKTC. He needed assistance in getting plugged into a church/youthgroup here in town.

We became fast friends. Like mother, like son.

He became like a son to me. Truly. There was not one thing I would not have done for him that I'd not do for my own flesh and blood son.

Just a few short months ago, however, all of that began to change.

First of all, he began to grow up and yes, I have to admit, I had a hard time with that.

Thing is: he grew up faster than what I was prepared for.

I had to let him have more air and freedom in his life than what I was giving him.

Thing that I do not understand right now is this: what or who helped this process along to the stage it's in now?

I have my own assumptions. Probably not correct ones. Then again, knowing all the pieces to this puzzle, I may very well be correct.

However, until I know that for sure, I can't say that for a fact.

Yes, there is a girl involved. He's engaged now, making plans to be married.

I no longer see him; we no longer speak. We no longer write on one another's Facebook walls, nor do we text any longer. I see him in church; we do not speak.

It's as if we are complete strangers.

Was this meant to be for just a year?

How can this be? At different times in our friendship, I shared with him that I knew we'd be in one another's lives for "a long long time."

Maybe we will be, one day. Maybe this is just the "Pause" button in our friendship.

Thing is: some things have taken place that have been painful.

I've seen this young man change into someone I no longer know or recognize.

Things he has promised me have not come to pass.

This relationship he's in has changed him.

It's changed us.

I've shed tons of tears over how this has changed our friendship.

I've tried to reach out to the persons involved, but have had no replies whatsoever.

So where do I go from here?

Good question.

Life does go on, but it's different.

Any time a person who was so much a part of your life is no longer in your life, life is different. Adjustments must be made. Decisions must be made over certain things.

I have been shut out with no signs of being invited in again.

So for now, I will move forward on the terms that have been laid forth. I have weeded in my Facebook garden. I have removed these people who were once in my life and are no more. Who no longer care to be in my life, and who don't want me in theirs.

Can they be weeded from my heart?

Or sort of. But not completely.

I've put blinders up around my eyes and heart so that things I see don't affect me or hurt me quite as much, where these folks are concerned.

Self-protection, I guess. Self-preservation.

Life can definetely be edgy. Especially when human beings are involved!